3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was like giving head to a cactus.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
