i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
