Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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