make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
