hell yes lets make some ravioli
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
