i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
