Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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