A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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