You really coming over, don't trick.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
