dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
