You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
