it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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