How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
