my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
