Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
