i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
