Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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