You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
