Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
