The best revenge is premature balding
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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