it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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