Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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