I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
