he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
