New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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