What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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