can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
