I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
