Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
