Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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