Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
