He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
