just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
