Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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