...so i touched it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
