i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
