It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
