I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
