Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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