So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
