he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
