So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
