I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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