Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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