the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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