currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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