question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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