I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
