I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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