This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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