every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
