New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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