Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
