New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
