I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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