I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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