So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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